Friday during Koreys’ second speech therapy session, the idea of having a perfect child was crushed again. She noticed how he likes to run around a lot and climb and jump and be all over us and asked if we would be okay with an occupational therapist coming in. She mentioned that he seemed like a child who was really into sensory and needed an outlet for it before he could really learn and process things. Keith and I both agreed that it was a good thing for him since we couldn’t get him to calm down ourselves sometimes, but it wasn’t until after the teacher left that I broke down.
One more person to come into our home and teach us how to raise and educate our child. Don’t get me wrong I totally understand that it benefits him and we really can’t say no or we would be bad parents because these problems would just keep happening but it stung to realize my perfect child doesn’t exist. I cannot just start looking at preschools to enroll him in, or start putting him in activities. He’s not like other kids, he needs people around him who understand how he works and how to communicate with him.
Going over the 5 pages of sign language, which the teacher said she doesn’t see him having to do sign language for the rest of his life because he is mimicking, it just weighs so hard on my heart because I never thought of any of these things when I was pregnant with him. When you’re a mom you hope for a healthy child, to grow up and be whatever successful person they want to be. Not having three therapies each week trying to get him close to his peers. It’s not fair, and that’s what I said to Keith. It’s not fair to see how far ahead he got and then just one day we find ourselves so far behind having to rely on others to help us understand what is going on.
It’s great to see the improvement each week but so frustrating when we get a setback. Keith and I are in this for however long it takes Korey to get better. I hope that it gets easier for me and not harder seeing this struggle.